Hello Friends,

Have you ever been in a group chat and wondered how someone can be so clueless and helpless? The questions they ask. The obliviousness that they show. The inability to understand social cues and read the room.

It seems that this has been witnessed in many a friend and peer group.

Let's dive in.

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The Situation:

Lizzie is in a founder mastermind group where a group of business owners support each other through regular meetups in which they discuss the challenges of running a business. In addition to their offline catch ups, they do maintain a WhatsApp group chat.

Within, there is a founder called Maud who is very capable and succeeding in life but when it comes to group chat queries, that's another story.

Maud often asks questions that can easily be answered via a google search, she accepts help without any acknowledgement of the help rendered and she often goes off tangent. Other members in the group have gone silent and have intentionally keep their distance from her queries that can border on annoying and bothersome. Only a few kind samaritans have offered their help consistently.

Lizzie is puzzled and annoyed. She doesn't want to make a big deal of it but it has gotten to the point where she actively thinks about ejecting Maud from the group chat.

THE HOLLYWOOD TAKE

Alexis Rose from Schitt's Creek comes to mind. She started out very spoiled and out of touch. At the end of the show, she remains spoiled but becomes more sensible, considerate and enterprising. She goes through considerable feedback loops and gradually improves to become a better version of herself.

You can own your "helplessness" and even make it your identity. It is about intention. If you know that your request is inconvenient and you can actually help yourself but choose not to, then it's a different story.

That is the make or break of either a lovable doofus or an annoying idiot.

SOCIAL SCRIPT:

"I should be patient and understanding. It's none of my business. If I don't wish to help, why should I care if someone does?"

INNER SCRIPT:

"Am I being petty? Is this worth saying something? She is highly functional so I don't understand this contrast. I think she is just being annoying and entitled, taking advantage of people's kindness and patience."

ACTUAL SCRIPT:

Lizzie decides to clarify her understanding of Maud. Instead of retorting with a passive aggressive statement in the group chat, Lizzie decides to have a private chat with Maud.

"Hey Maud, I've noticed you sometimes ask the group for things that might be faster to look up directly - I want to make sure we're not creating unnecessary noise for everyone. What do you find yourself getting stuck on?"

If the behaviour continues after that, then the issue is no longer Maud being oblivious to her actions, it's likely a conscious choice.